It’s been almost a year now and I should have moved on…

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At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I can barely accept that it happened. How am I supposed to move on?

It happened on a quite afternoon. It was just him and I. He coerced me into sleeping with him and my brain froze. Coercion isn’t consent guys. I don’t think I had ever been as numb as I was that day.

The day he raped me. Scares me to just say it. Complete acceptance is going to take a while. I’d never felt as empty as…

On the eve of women’s day, let’s women up and undress reality…

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Do I have the right to feel this way? I wonder.

I said no several times, “I don’t think I want to”, “I’m not sure” and finally an okay…after all.

I went along with it.

I think I even pretended to want it, or so I tell myself.

If I was on top of me instead,

I would have witnessed my color drained face with a lifeless expression.

I would have known that the body I was in,

perceived me only as a threat.

I would have known…

This is what really makes you worthy…

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With so less to distract ourselves from our thoughts, this pandemic is forcing us to face few of the most important questions we’ll ever ask ourselves. These are the very same questions most of us are terrified of asking ourselves, infact life might sometimes seem like a never ending journey of trying to evade the same.

You know that empty feeling you fear? The feeling that causes people to drown themselves in alcohol or stuff themselves up with food? …

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I spent my life relentlessly telling myself that I didn’t need a dad anyways, I wouldn’t want one even if I had a choice. There was absolutely no going against that, I could take care of myself and I didn’t need nobody.

Why would I miss being taken care of by someone who never even wanted to do that for me in the first place? More importantly, how on earth would I have issues from someone being absent when I barely had any contact with them?

Credits to my stubborn ego for running away from every mental health professional who…

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I never get it, does the anguish descend so I can tune to my flow,

Or is it that I flower to save me the anguish?

In this paradise of pain,

Everything is coloured and everything sparkles,

Each feather lies as an incentive for my mind to wander.

My mind is a paradise that I’m stuck in,

The world as I know it seems nowhere near.

I’m trapped within the expanse of this cosmos,

The beauty overwhelms me, and the beauty in suffering- even more.

I’m unable to pull away from this strange connection,

My eyes see life in the…

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Really felt alone

blood dripping down

merging with the ripples

in the water

trynna drown myself in

I used to be staring at those words, unable to comprehend a single one.

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I was the kind of person who could devour books hour by hour. I didn’t have any preference towards silence, or a comfy armchair because I knew once I started reading I would be transported into the book regardless of the situation outside. I liked to think of Matilda from Roald Dahl as my inspiration- if she could do it so could I. So there I was lapping in words while sitting on the couch with the television on.

Decline of my cognitive abilities

However, my worst phase of depression and…

subject: truths that set me free from you

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I know you feel like you’ve been accomplishing a noble deed. I know all along you’ve just been trying to keep me alive, and I trusted you, like a fool I gave in.

You made me feel like simply living wasn’t enough, infact dying sometimes seemed like a better option than not living up to unrealistic levels of expectations.

Every hour, every single minute seemed like a trial, a race.

A race to look the best of what my flawed vision would allow me to perceive of myself, a race to keep…

Oppression, liberation or both?

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I firmly believe the answer depends on the wearer and everyone else is free to entangle their own hair.

Most people have a view on hijab, or the modest way in which Muslim women are prescribed to dress.

Most people have a view on how women dress regardless of what spectrum they fall into but that’s another story.

I grew up hating anything that I perceived as even slightly oppressive and patriarchal. …

A test that led to a newfound connection with Allah

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I had been a non-believer ever since I could remember. My mental health issues opened my mind up in a spiritual way, and now my quest to know more about the world and god has taken a very different turn.

I believe in understanding the world through experience, and I was determined that this Ramadan, I would try to connect to the source of creation by being a part of this holy month.

Riya dharne

A student to life — a seeker of knowledge

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